I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
