It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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