My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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