How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
