I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
