Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
