Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
