I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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