I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
