You're my little dorito
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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