please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
