so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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