I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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