I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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