have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
