Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
