i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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