Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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