Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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