We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize