Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
