so explain again why im purple
no
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I AM VODKA MAN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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