God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
