At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They took my balls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
