Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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