Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
