his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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