I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
