8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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