the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
