My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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