I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
