I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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