If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
