Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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