imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
