you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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