WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
