I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just googled if crying burns calories
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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