You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
