There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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