$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
