he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
