Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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