I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Vodka?
Forever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
