bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Im part way to drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
