i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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