Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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