Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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