she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
