If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
