Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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