I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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