He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
