You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
