Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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