If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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