FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
