i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
