Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
