i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My pussy is not your playground.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
