And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
