I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
