I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
how drunk are you?
Several
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize