Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
