just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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