Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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