Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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