I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
