we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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