I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
